THE "HELPERS" - "We were just trying to help".

I pretty much despise the term “we’re just trying to help” in regards to waiting tables or working in a restaurant. Most of the time when you hear that phrase it’s someone who’s making things worse. Of course this is subjective considering it’s not bad for the person that is “helping”. Let me clarify here, when a customer is “helping” it is truly only benefiting them in some way and not you or the restaurant.

True Story:

It was a busy Friday night, the restaurant was full and a family of 5 walks in. There is one table open, a two top and no chairs. I pass by them and say “I’ll be right with you”. They don’t listen to me and immediately size up the room, looking around. The father of the family stops me and says that he has it all worked out, that empty table can be moved across the restaurant and squeeze into a space the table barely fits in. Before I have a chance to say anything he shoves the condiments into my arms and says “here”. He picks up the table and carries it 10 feet across the restaurant over other peoples heads and tables as they are eating. Slams the table down and says “there, see that should work”. No.. this wasn’t irritating at all. I set down the condiments and walked away with an annoyed expression on my face as they crowded around the teeny table. I ignored them for a bit not only to give myself time to calm down but also to “tell” them that was lame. The father kept looking at me with the desperate “we’re ready” look. I finally made my way over to their table and the mother said “sorry, we were just trying to help”. I just gave a bullshit smile, took the order and walked away.

This is what I really wanted to say: You “helping” me wasn’t helping me at all, in fact it was rude and annoying. I’m happy that you are crammed in this space that is not designed for 5 people. I hope your food takes a very long time coming out and you are made to wait longer than you expected. Next time maybe you will learn that when a server says they will be right with you.. they mean it and there are reasons why they said it.

The thing about it is.. if I wanted your help I’d ask for it. Sadly this type of behavior happens constantly and it’s not helpful.

Don’t be that guy!

PSEUDO NAMES - Oh you can call me...................

Using a pseudo name while working in the service industry is not always common yet it’s not uncommon. Most people use their real names but every once in a while some creep-o weird-o wants to know all about you and your business. You know how you meet people and you notice something different, something that is just slightly off. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing per-se, but it’s something that’s just plain off.

Examples of these types of people:

- the over excited patron that continues to talk and talk to whomever is at the bar and to you. You being the well mannered bartender/server that is paid to sorta listen. They will even continue the story they are telling as you walk away and help other people and they are still going on and on as you return. (most times these people find out your name somehow behind your back)

- the silent type that drinks and drinks and stares at your every move. They keep to themselves until they eventually have a decent buzz and start barking out things that you hardly understand. These types always remember one particular time with you. ie: that Halloween costume you wore that one year. This is literally the only thing they have in common with you and bring it up ALL the time.

-grumpy old crotchety men and women that come in every once in a while and are a pain in the ass. Their sole purpose is to come in and complain. They will drink and eat everything given to them but will let you know how terrible it is the whole time. Many times they want to talk to the person in charge.

-drunk people - enough said.

This only brushes on a few notable examples - If you work in the industry you surely know the type(s).

There is a definite art to using a pseudo name and it takes practice. You must be a seasoned server, aware of your surroundings at all time. You must be quick witted and sharp as a tack. As a server/bartender you must have a name picked out and stick with that name. The last thing you want happening is fumbling over several names and being caught hesitating to say your name. One name should do it and it should roll off the tongue with ease. You want to be able to say your pseudo name easily especially while your being starred at or casually walking away. Another thing that may be of value to you is letting your co-worker know of the pseudo name so they don’t blow the cover.

My pseudo name is: Donna! and I use it with gusto and pride.

True Story:

An old gentlemen came in looking like he was straight out of the rat pack, ordered a beer and started talking to all the broads. Badda Bing Badda Boom! lemme tell you honey, back in my day I used to run with the good ole’ boys. He was everyone’s best buddy as he reminisced about the golden times of life. He wasn’t a bother other than non-stop talking and singing. I had seen this guy come in before and he seemed harmless other than making young broads uncomfortable. He started asking everyone their names, when he got to me I was ready. “Hey honey, what’s your name”? I looked him straight in the eyes without hesitation and replied: “Donna!”

It was as easy as that - and from that moment on, Donna was born.

What’s your pseudo name?